Regrets 2

In 1904, my maternal grandmother, Naomi (Elkin) Karchevsky, a woman in her early twenties, carrying her infant daughter (my aunt Francis), travelled from a small town in the Russian Empire all the way to Ellis Island in the New York City harbor to begin a new life.

Eventually, she and my grandfather, Julius, who arrived in the USA a year earlier, settled in Oswego, New York when my mother Margaret was born in 1907.  My parents met eighteen years later in 1925.  I was born twenty years after that in 1945.

My grandmother lived a long life passing away in December 1976 at more than 90 years of age.  At the time, she was living in a nursing home in upstate New York.  She was in reasonably good health, physically and mentally, when she suffered a stroke and died one day later.

I was (for the first time) a pall bearer at her funeral in Rochester, NY.  Afterwards I had my first experience sitting shiva.  "Eat...eat," I was told, so I ate.  The food was very good and plentiful.

My grandmother died just after my daughter Rachel celebrated her first birthday on December 7, 1976.  All that year 1976, I thought about taking her to the nursing home to introduce my grandmother to another of her many great-grandchildren.  I kept putting it off thinking I could do it another time...but it didn't happen.  It is another of my life's regrets.

As we lived not far from each other, I frequently saw my grandmother, especially when she lived in Rochester.  I had many happy memories of her.  

But, since my grandmother passed away, I have developed a curiosity about what her early life was like and what happened on that fateful journey from Russia to America.  That story is gone, but I imagine a little bit from the film Fiddler on the Roof (1971).

Kurds

Kurds are an ethnic group native to the mountainous region of Kurdistan in Western Asia, which spans southeastern Turkey, northwestern Iran, northern Iraq, and northern Syria.  The Kurdish population is estimated to be between 30 and 45 million.  Kurds speak the Kurdish languages.

Kurds do not comprise a majority in any country, making them a stateless people.  After World War I and the defeat of the Ottoman Empire, the victorious Western allies made provision for a Kurdish state in the 1920 Treaty of Sèvres. 

However, that promise was broken three years later, when the Treaty of Lausanne set the boundaries of modern Turkey and made no such provision, leaving Kurds with minority status in all of the new countries of Turkey, Iraq, and Syria.  

Recent history of the Kurds includes numerous genocides and rebellions, along with ongoing armed conflicts in Turkish, Iranian, Syrian, and Iraqi Kurdistan. Kurds in Iraq and Syria have autonomous regions, while Kurdish movements continue to pursue greater cultural rights, autonomy, and independence throughout the Kurdistan region.

Sufficient evidence exists, however, that, despite the fact that history is full of examples of Kurdish uprisings against the empires under whose rule they resided, the desire for an independent or autonomous Kurdish state among Kurds, in the modern sense, emerged only after the collapse of the Ottoman Empire at the end of World War I.

After the US invasion of Iraq in 2003, a new autonomous region in the northern part of the country was created and a new Kurdish government, under the name Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG), came into existence. On 30 January 2005, the KRG organized a referendum on the question of an independent Kurdistan. The unofficial results recorded that 98.88% of Iraqi Kurds supported independence.

The referendum of 25 September 2017, like previous attempts at independence, was a step taken to press the Baghdad government for political and economic gains. Similar to the 2005 referendum, the latest one sparked controversy as it included the disputed territories of northern Iraq—including the Kirkuk oilfields—as part of the Kurdistan Region. 

This referendum carried only symbolic meaning for the Kurds, rather than any real potential for the declaration of an independent Kurdish state. The ballot asked a single question: “Do you want the Kurdistan Region and the Kurdistani areas outside the region’s administration to become an independent state?” 

The results recorded that 93% of participants voted in favor of independence. The referendum went ahead despite the fact that almost all international actors—with the exception of Israel—were against it?

That begs the question as to what do the Kurds and the Israelis have in common?  Answer:  a desire to have their own independent state in the Middle East.  The problem:  The powers that be in the Middle East don't want them to succeed.  Why?

Israel and the Kurdistan Region of Iraq maintain a close informal relationship, but do not have formal diplomatic missions in each other's territory. Their ties are rooted in Israel's historically strong support for the Kurdish people and their long-running desire for self-determination and national independence in Kurdistan.  

The Iraqi government and the Kurdish government have differing policies with regard to the entry of Israeli citizens into their territory: Kurdish authorities accept Israeli passports at Erbil and Sulaymaniyah, and Israelis are entitled to regular freedom of movement throughout the Kurdistan Region.

Iraq, which has been a party to the Arab–Israeli conflict since Israel's founding in 1948, does not recognize Israeli sovereignty.

In light of Israel's conflict with the Arab countries, the Kurdistan Region has declared that there is no cause for animosity between Kurds and Israelis.  In 2017, the Israeli government openly voiced support for the establishment of an independent Kurdish state.  Relations between the two sides have been met with antisemitism and anti-Kurdish sentiment from the Arab League, Iran, and Turkey.

One-Eyed Jacks

Marlon Brando and Karl Malden are two of the most acclaimed Hollywood movie stars of all time.  They appeared together in three films: A Streetcar Named Desire (1951), On the Waterfront (1954) and One-Eyed Jacks (1961).

The phrase one-eyed jacks refers to two of the jacks in a standard deck of playing cards: the Jack of hearts and the Jack of spades. One eyed jacks is a phrase most often used to describe cards that are being declared wild.

The film One-Eyed Jacks, a western, is the only one directed by Marlon Brando.  It is known that he wanted his friend Karl Malden to portray his partner/antagonist in the film.

The film starts with Rio (Brando) and Dad (Malden) robbing a bank in Mexico.  They escape but are chased by Mexican police.  

While up on top of a hill trying to fend off the police, the two decide that one of them should go off and get fresh horses.  Trusting him, Rio lets Dad have such an opportunity.

However, with one fresh horse, Dad abandons his friend and rides off to safety.  Rio is then captured and spends 5 years in prison before escaping.  He is consumed with revenge against Dad.

After leaving Mexico, Rio joins a gang of bank robbers heading to Monterrey, California where Dad is now surprisingly the local sheriff.  At their first meeting, both Dad and Rio lie about what happened 5 years before and since.  

Dad said that there were no fresh horses available.  It is not only not true, but Rio knows it is a lie because the Mexican police took him to the farm where Dad got his one fresh horse.  Others were available.

Rio says he evaded capture by the Mexican police.  Dad does not know the veracity of this story.  After the lies, they shake hands based of their old 'friendship.'

Rio even said to Dad that 5 years is a long time to hold a grudge.  But, it is never too long according to his true feelings.

Eventually there will be a shoot-out confrontation.  After all, this is a Western.  For example, see Stagecoach (1939) with John Wayne, High Noon (1952) with Gary Cooper and Shane (1953) with Alan Ladd.  

Yearbook, Chapter 5

 On a warm June night in 1963, the Oswego High School seniors gathered in the auditorium, wearing their blue caps and gown, for the annual graduation ceremony.  Among the memorable events was the speech given by Betty Tucker, our valedictorian.  

After everything was said and done, we ditched the caps and gowns and headed to various locations to celebrate.  Bennie and his two friends, Frank and Billy, plus Bubbles and three of her friends went to Sereno's Bar on West Utica Street.  

After a few beers, Bennie gave Bubbles some good news.  The following weekend, his parents would be out of town and he would be home alone.

He invited Bubbles to come to his house and he would cook her a delicious meal, steak and boiled potatoes, followed by chocolate pudding.  She eagerly accepted.

Ghosting

The term ghosting is the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) without explanation.  I believe it to be cowardly and inappropriate behavior.

When I was a young man, I was guilty of ghosting.  I met a nice young woman at Temple Adath Israel in Oswego, my hometown.  I was on holiday from being a student at the University of Pennsylvania.  She was a student at what is now known as the State University of New York at Oswego.  

We went on one date, the movies and some food afterwards.  After I returned to school, we corresponded by letter writing, promising to see each other on my return to Oswego.  When I did, I called her saying I would see her later that evening.  I had wanted to relax after my flight from Philadelphia.  

However, she strongly insisted I see her right away.  I reluctantly acceded to her wishes.  She gave me a tour of her campus and then I drove her back to her sorority house where she introduced me as her boyfriend.  

We went out that night, had a great time, including making out in the car before she had to obey her curfew.  I went home still angry about how she had treated me that afternoon (strongly insisted).  I never called her or saw her again.  In retrospect, I should have called and discussed why I was upset.  She deserved that much.

I am not looking to excuse my behavior, but perhaps I learned ghosting from someone earlier in my life.

When I was in high school, I asked a pretty blonde girl from Minetto out on a date.  We went to the Friday night high school dance.  Afterwards, we went to Vona's for pizza.  Everything went very well.  We both were having a good time.

My father picked us up and proceeded to drive us back to Minetto.  As we turned south at the corner of West First and Utica Streets, I saw a friend hitching a ride home.  I asked my father to give him a lift.  He got in the car and was very polite.

We dropped my friend off in Minetto and proceeded to the pretty blonde girl's home.  When there, she literally jumped out of the car and ran to the door, entering before I arrived.  I tried calling the next day for an explanation, but she refused to talk to me.  What had I done?  Before the ride home, everything had gone very well.

I was ghosted.  And then I ghosted someone else.  Unacceptable and cowardly behavior.

Quid Pro Quo

In The Godfather (1972), Bonasera, the undertaker, goes to Don Corleone on the day of his daughter's wedding.  Bonasera's daughter had been brutally assaulted and the criminal justice system failed him.  So, this was his plan B.

Once Bonasera shows the required respect to the Godfather and asked for his friendship, Don Corleone was willing to provide the justice he was looking for.  He arranged for the young men responsible for the assault to be assaulted as well.

And then Don Corleone uttered this famous line, "One day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."  To me, this is as expected.  I do something for you; you do something for me.

There you have Quid pro quo, an agreement for a reciprocal exchange of goods or services.

In As Good As It Gets (1997), Melvin, an author, is obsessed with a waitress (Carol) at the restaurant where he eats almost all his meals.  When she can't come to work because her son is very ill, he uses his influence with his publishing house editor to arrange for the medical services of her husband to treat the waitress's son.  The waitress then returns to work.

Carol is extremely grateful for Melvin's act of kindness.  However, when Melvin asks that Carol accompany Melvin and his gay friend on a trip from New York to Baltimore, she initially turns him down.

Carol is aghast that Melvin believes she owes him because of what he did for her.  He responds with, "Is there any other way to see it?"

I agree.  If somebody does you a favor or a kindness, then how can you resist repaying such favor or kindness when requested?  

Several years ago, our neighbors, Vitor and Marli, did an extreme act of kindness for us, unasked for and completely unexpected.  We will be forever in their debt, not out of obligation, but out of gratitude.

Twelve O'Clock High

In The Best Years of Our Lives (1946), Fred Derry (Dana Andrews) was a former bombardier in the US Army Air Corps responsible for accurately dropping bombs on targets in Nazi Germany during World War II.

In Twelve O'Clock High (1949), the story of the 918th US Army Air Corps is told in a flashback to 1942 when it faced a crisis in its command.  

Twelve O'Clock High stars Gregory Peck, Dean Jagger, Millard Mitchell and Gary Merrill.  It was nominated for four Academy Awards:  Best Picture (won by All the King's Men), Best Actor (Peck, but won by Broderick Crawford for All the King's Men), Best Actor in a Supporting Role (won by Jagger) and Best Sound Recording.

Group Commander Colonel Davenport (Merrill) has become over-protective of his men and is unwilling to discipline them, even for costly mistakes. Davenport is relieved of command by his superior, Major General Pritchard (Mitchell).  

Brigadier General Savage (Peck) is asked to take over.  Major Stovall (Jagger) stays on as his administrative assistant.

Savage takes a harsh approach to restoring the group's discipline and morale.  Unlike Davenport, he puts the mission as of primary importance, the safety of his men secondary.

A very key scene takes place when Savage makes an introductory speech to his flight group members.  "Our obligation is to this group...loyalty to the group, not an individual...I have heard we have suffered from hard luck...Well, I don't believe in hard luck.  Some have asked what are we fighting for?  We are in a shooting war...we have got to fight and some of us are going to die...fear is normal...stop worrying about it...forget about going home...consider yourself already dead...once you accept that idea, it won't be so tough."

The air battle scenes (about 10 minutes) near the end of the film were photographed in actual combat during WWII by members of the United States Army Air Corp and the German Luftwaffe.  You can't get more realism than that.