A Nameless Girl RevisiTed

I have had some second thoughts regarding my A Nameless Girl post (April 10, 2016).  To refresh your memory, it was about a college girl (whose name I don’t remember) I met when I was nineteen years-old.  We had a date during winter break 1964-1965 and afterwards had exchanged letters while I was at the University of Pennsylvania and she was at the State University College at Oswego, my home town. 

When I returned to Oswego on spring break, 1965, we were to have a date my first evening home.  I called her on the phone in the afternoon to tell her when I would pick her up later that evening.  Her mood quickly changed as she insisted that I come to see her immediately.  She had previously been such a sweet girl who had been affectionate and so nice to be around.  Now she was being bossy.

I reacted very defensively.  In my mind, it was as if she was trying to emasculate me.  After all, I was the man.  I had approached her that first time at the Congregation Adath Israel.  I had asked for her phone number.  I had asked for a date.  I had decided we would go to the movies and where to get something to eat afterwards.  I had paid for such entertainment.  This was the culture of the period.  Or so I thought.  I did not like a female trying to steal what was mine, being the man. 

As I mentioned in the above post, I caved in to her request in order to save our date, but immediately afterwards I crossed her out of my life without any explanation as punishment for her unforgivable transgression.  It was a cowardly act made by someone who felt compelled to make quick, impulsive (and sometimes foolish) decisions.

But was her behavior simply the desire to show me who was the boss of our brand new relationship?  Maybe not?  With the help of one of my faithful female readers, I have come to believe that her reasoning is to be found elsewhere.  I am convinced that she was driven by a desire to prove something to her sorority sisters, that she “measured up.”  That she had a boyfriend, too.  And an Ivy Leaguer to boot.  And perhaps even one who was good looking as well. 

At the age of nineteen, many of us lack the self-esteem to do what ever we want.  Many of us need the approval of others, our peers.  I only wish she had said please instead of insisting.  I only wish she had explained to me why she wanted me to come right away, which was the perfect time for her to introduce her new boyfriend to them.  If she had, I am certain I would have done the right thing and come running with a smile on my face.  However, insisting was probably the manner she had learned in order to get what she wanted.  But with me, it proved to be an unfortunate mistake.  If her approach had been different, who knows where our futures would have taken us.